Choose to Light a Candle

"You can strike a match to light a candle ... or set the house on fire." - Nicole Avant, author, filmmaker & former diplomat

https://open.spotify.com/episode/44JlSm1Y5jMs6KuAGk1M2W?si=72gbzpHLTXyIOCPU5HSTTQ

Some thoughts. Grab the lesson, and move on.

Yes, we have issues in our families, in our communities, in our country and in our world. As Nicole talks about in this podcast episode, in the long arc of our history -- WE HAVE MOVED FORWARD. Look back at your ancestry -- we ALL come from tribal culture. Every single culture has had its skeletons and angels ... times when they / we have disrespected, dismissed, enslaved and more ... those people who we considered "different" or "at least we're not THEM."

And at the same time ... and at the same time ... those cultures have come together, despite disagreement, difference, past conflicts ... because they recognized that, in the end, we are humans, creations of Something Bigger, and part of Something Bigger.

That's how slavery, a pillar upon which the U.S. was founded, was finally struck down. That's how women, who the "founding fathers" did NOT see as equal, won the right to vote. (Please see Heather Cox Richardson for historical context on these topics) That's how people with disabilities, LGBTQ+, those born into poverty, young people, old people and anyone not white/straight/male/wealthy/young are finally being recognized as deserving (which they always were worthy of) of a society that works for them as well. Because our ancestors worked together across difference to reveal their better angels, those construction workers of welcome, compassion, equity, justice, joy and love.

We -- in our families, our communities, our country, our world -- are not finished building the house yet. There are rooms to be built for more people, and of course all the plants, animals, and environment who have been here long before & will outlast all of us. (We can learn from Nature's survivability & thriving, but that's another story.)

I think some of us -- myself included at times -- continue to think/feel that "oh, if we include these people or that animal, or this part of Nature ... there won't be enough for me." And to be clear: that's a load of hogshit.

It is disrespectful of our ancestors to light the current house on fire ... the house THEY worked to envision, built to this point, suffered to do so ... so that their children -- you, myself & all of us -- would have a better future. It's a future they would never see, yet trusted that we would take up -- light the candle -- & move forward.

If one subscribes to a faith tradition -- it seems pretty disrespectful to the God of our understanding that somehow hating & excluding other people is what brings about the Golden Rule that spans all faith traditions -- "Treat others as you yourself would like to be treated."

I'm no expert, no historian, and I'm also white, privileged, & am currently sitting in an air-conditioned space with clean water, plenty of food, a fair amount of agency to make my own choices, & loving relationships. So, one might say, "well, what do you have to contribute to all this? you've not suffered like I've suffered ... you're just a naive white lady ... this is all nice for YOU to say ..."

I say all these things because I want other people to experience the same stability, agency, and opportunity that I've been given ... by people who came before me, who worked & built & failed & tried again & succeeded. I want the woman who is an immigrant to have the opportunities I have -- for the simple fact that she's a human, just like me. (Brush off the noise from either extreme -- you know better.)

I want the child who is figuring out who they are, yet has very little power in their family, society, world to express their identity, their joys, sorrows, dreams, etc. to have resources through public education to explore, to discover, to play, to rest, to learn, to grow.

I want the trans person to have the healthcare access, the marriage rights that I have -- simply because they are human like me who want to be healthy, happy, and in loving relationship.

I want the formerly incarcerated to have the right to equal consideration for jobs -- simply because they are human like me. (I've worked with the incarcerated - yes, there are those who are incarcerated who will be for life and rightly so -- just as often, those currently incarcerated have paid their debt to society & yet are being warehoused)

I want the teenager to have access to birth control, to women's health education, and yes to reproductive choice -- because as of right now, women are still not safe from sexual violence, and in fact I am the outlier, because 1 in 3 women have experienced violence. Some stats say 1 in 2. So, if not you, the woman sitting next to you has likely experienced something you have zero understanding of, yet can do every damn thing in your power to prevent for others & also advocate for her healthcare.

I want the Muslim, the Jew, the Christian, the Hindu, the atheist, the agnostic and the "None" to be able to pray, gather, and serve their communities in peace -- which is the common thread of all major religions at their core. (Do not come at me with "what about"-ism, Christians ... I grew up in the Christian church & would caution us to look in our own closets before we start ignorantly excavating others' skeletons.)

I want the Democrat, the Republican, the Independent, the undecided, the political-averse, and yes, even the "extremist" to be heard -- because they are human like me ... and because when we feel heard, we are more likely to realize that the extremes are just cries of fear that our needs are not being heard. And when we feel heard, we realize we actually DO want to be part of building the house ... we're not interested in burning it down ... we simply want to belong.

If you've gotten this far & can't go there with me ... Fair enough, and I hope we can have a conversation sometime.

And also, I'm rambling on for folks like me who are as confused as I am sometimes with the state of the world, with our place in it, maybe dealing with your own suffering or deep-seated fear that you tell no one about, yet also knowing there ARE better angels in us ... in us ALL ... including you ... and asking "what can I ever do to make a difference here?"

Add your brick to build the house for all of us, in your corner of the world. We need you. You've been gifted this time on Earth & in the place you've been planted for a reason. You have a spark of the Divine within you that is meant for lighting the way, not burning yourself & everyone around you -- not even those you don't like or disagree with. Do not allow voices outside of you -- on the local or national stage -- to burn you up or burn you out in the name of incinerating other humans' dignity, security or worthiness of love & belonging.

Use the thoughts that light the way, discard the ones that burn. Use the words that light up creative solutions, illuminate the best in people, radiate common ground. Discard the words that alienate, discriminate, dehumanize, create shadow. Discard the actions that extinguish curiosity, "I hadn't thought of it that way," or "We may disagree, but I see you." Use the actions that light a path toward justice, joy, collaboration, belonging.

Choose to light your candle. Encourage me to light mine. Without fanfare, without bluster or smoke ... simply with a quiet confidence that we are moving forward, building, and taking everyone we can with us.