When you wake up on the wrong side of your attitude …
But our boy Tortilla looks adorable at 4am … Me, not so much.
So I’m awake & pissed … over an issue I won’t let go (& won’t go into here — just conjure up the last experience that made your hackles rise. Got it? Insert here.) … I lay there & witness a back & forth in my mind:
“Gah! This is bullshit!”
“Oh, listen to the quiet … it’s soooo amazing.”
“Wtf? Why am I so worked up right now?!”
(Hearing Jim’s light snore … then Baxter’s soft snore from his doggie bed nearby … Tortilla was actually quiet this morning!)
“What a beautiful sound … My boys sleeping so soundly … Cutest thing ever …” Sigh.
“For God’s sake … How do I move forward with … ?!”
So I end up getting out of bed & going about my morning routine. The abhyanga, neti, lemon water, the whole bit. Still agitated.
I practiced my asana, meditated, & had plenty of time to take my time getting ready for class at The Ave. A little more centered.
Being in class with folks that come to The Ave is always refreshing to me. Classes are small, folks are unpretentious — we simply practice yoga asana, breath, relaxation … & catch up on each other’s lives with children, grandchildren, recent travel / illness / house project. Life.
I feel the same at St. Peter’s classes, & more & more at The Yoga Garden as I meet new people.
So I bring my grumpiness with me, & am still welcomed, am honored to hold space for people to practice their yoga asana, & can see a different perspective.
And I still held onto grumpiness when I got home, but I was more gentle with myself … I don’t claim to be enlightened just because I share yoga practices with others. I teach because I need these practices myself.
The rest of the day has been spent keeping out of the public space … so my surly-ness affects as few people as possible (Sorry, Jim. You’re a gem for putting up with me on these grumpy days.)
I’ve worked out. Snuggled & took walks with Jim, B & T. Ate 7 servings of guacamole (who the hell defines a “serving,” anyway? Guess I accomplished something). Wrote thank you notes — gratitude often relieves some of the funk for me.
I also napped. Just collapsed on the couch & zonked out for 2 hours. Rare, yet obviously needed.
Luvena Rangel, the Curvy Yogi, did an Instagram Live last week on Authenticity (check her out here). She said (I’m paraphrasing), “Yoga isn’t a solution to the problem … In fact, sometimes yoga can amplify the problem … so you keep showing up … doing your practice … becoming more aware … the solution slowly emerges … it takes time …”
So I’m showing up. With all my selfish ailments, grievances, & complaints that the world won’t make me happy. To remember my purpose. And I’m so thankful for all of you … that show up to your practice just as you are too.
It’s 9:15pm. Tortilla is snoring lightly, his head at my hip (He has his required 7/8ths of the couch). It’s the best sound in the world right now.
See you on the mat, E