I went toward Tree of Life synagogue yesterday … parked the car at a distance … walked the mile slowly, afraid of what I might feel, afraid that I might be intruding on others’ grief. I made myself as small as possible. All I could do was stand … still. As my elder & friend Jim says, “Witness.”
The flowers, 11 candles (unlit) … the stones … I forgot my stone offering 😔 … the mourners … the Jewish men in a circle, singing deep and low “this is the house of the Lord …”
I am so sorry.
“Police line, do not cross” tape encircling the synagogue. Groups of law enforcement moving here/there, FBI agents, trucks, squad cars, evidence recovery teams …
Across the street — cameras, tents, more cameras — so many cameras, so many “eyes” …
I am so sorry.
Mr. Gottfried was from Uniontown.
I overheard 2 women talking that their friend, fellow synagogue member, was still in the hospital … “She’s recovering physically, but … She was sitting next to her mother … How do you recover from being shot at …”
I am so sorry.
A phrase reads (backwards from the outside) in one of the mosaic panels of the synagogue — “Let there be an expanse in the midst of the water.”
The phrase cycled nonstop as I witnessed the scene, in my body but not at all in my body …
Lettherebeanexpanseinthemidstofthewaterlettherebeanexpanseinthemidstofthewaterlettherebeanexpanseinthemidstofthewaterlettherebeanexpanseinthemidst …
Where is the expanse? Where? Where is the expanse for these people, these families, this community, our community, us, all of us?
I don’t know.
To witness the Tree of Life community mourn, care for each other, graciously concede to hundreds of visitors paying respects … They are teachers, & I am grateful.
I know gratefulness for the communities I’m part of. As I shared yoga on the mat this week, I find myself more quiet … somber … grateful for these people in the midst of the raging waters … on their mats … breathing & moving … connecting with each other. With me.
The truth is we are not separate.
Yoga at its core means to unite, to yoke … to realize we are not separate — from ourselves, from each other, from the Divine.
Thank you for your expansive hearts with me this week in the midst of it all. We are not separate. Namaste.
A sign seen on my walk from the Tree of Life synagogue.
(Quote at top reposted from Himalayan Institute of Pittsburgh)
Erica Engel 